I love you, love you

I was going about my day with my boys. It was just like any other day. Wake up make a bottle , change diapers, make breakfast, make sure the kids brush their teeth, start school work, your typical everyday stay at home mom stuff. Yet, for some reason I couldn’t help but feel a rush of emotions. Today is not a special day.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened. In fact it was pretty much business as usual. Then it hit me. It hit me when my son said “ I love you, love you”.

It was just a few years ago I started saying that to my boys and husband. I said that when you love someone so much , saying it just once isn’t enough. I started saying it because just a few years ago my twin brother passed. I was pregnant and shortly after gave birth to a child with a lot of health issues. I was scared and grieving. I remember the first time I said “ I love you,love you” was to my baby boy.

I was afraid he wasn’t going to leave the hospital so saying it once just wasn’t enough. My baby was going to know how much I loved him.

Going through everything we have in the past few years has tested my family and my marriage. Through it all, one thing stayed the same. Our love for our children and each other.

It got me thinking. Through all the darkness our love for our boys and one another has always pulled us through. So while today was not a special day . In some ways it was. People are afraid of going to the market or seeing love ones. People are afraid of the uncertainty that we are living. But my little boys who know not much of what is going on are as happy as can be.

I realized in that moment how grateful I am that they are healthy. How fortunate we are to still have an income. I was happy. My brother’s passing was and still is very difficult for me but for the first time in a very long time. I was happy.

So mama’s in a time of uncertainty and darkness look for your light. My boys and my husband are mine. For some it might be a hidden talent. Or a great book. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you find it. See, our littles know more than we think. Don’t let the world’s darkness put out their light.

Today started like any other day. Except come tomorrow I’ll huge a little longer. Enjoy the laughter and let the little things go. All because of my not so ordinary day.

In the Moment

Hair’s a mess, toys all over, dried spit up on my shirt and half dressed kids. Is this just my house or is everyone dealing with this? I feel like I am constantly failing. I see the pictures of the mom’s who are killing it at home with their kids. How do they find the time to clean the house, makeup on , do crafts and make a picture perfect dinner ! How, just how?

Today my toddler waited for me to be changing the babies diaper to then color all over my walls and tables. Did I mention this was with a marker! He then proceeded to draw all over his body. While this was happening my baby not only exploded front to back out of his diaper but did a scene right out of the exorcist. At this point I felt like things just couldn’t get worse. Man, was I wrong. Someone and I say someone as in I am not sure who pooped in my dinning room. It may have been my 3 year old who is potty training or my 4 year old who has dropped a doodle on the way to the bathroom. The crazy thing is that when I checked all their bottoms, there was no sign of anything left behind.

Now, I think well was that poop or was that chocolate? The fact that this is something that I have to think about and deal with , is just crazy. I never thought in a million years that I would question if something is poop or chocolate. This is now my life with four little ones. My older two decided, I wasn’t dealing with enough. So they took it upon themselves to take every blanket and stuff animal that they own and spread it around the living room. I thought this is it. I can’t deal with one more thing.

Is this what being home for the next 30 days is going to be like? As I clean up the mess, wipe down the walls and start to put the baby down for a nap. I look over and my boys were working on school work together. I hadn’t even thought about school work at this point. They decided that they were going to work together. In that moment all the craziness of the morning didn’t matter. All those picture perfect moments I see online didn’t matter. In that moment I saw that my boys working together. I saw the love between my boys and that’s all that really matters.

Mamas’s never doubt what you do for your babies. It doesn’t have to be perfect always. What we do for them matters. There will be a day when the messes will be gone, the laughter will turn to silence. They are only little for a little while. So for now I will just clean the messes as they come and enjoy my moments with them.